So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
