are you still at the devil's house?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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