I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
