I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
