He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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