Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize