im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
