I just saw a hot homeless man
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
