Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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