you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
