had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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