Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
