there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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