he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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