Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
