Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
