Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
