I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
