grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
