if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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