Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
