Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
