I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize