I cockslap morals
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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