We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
