I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
