i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize