the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
