I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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