Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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