omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
