Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
