im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
