You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
