he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
