): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
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