guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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