i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
