the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
