the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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