Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
