I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
