No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
