you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
