The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
