Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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