where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He has the fingertips of a God
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
