I wish I could punch you in the face.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize