You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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