A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
