Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
