So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i dont even know how to be here
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
