i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
