I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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