is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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