I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
