He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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