just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
