Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
