Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
