Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
