Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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