i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
