I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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