you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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