OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
