I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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