I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They have beer where we have blood.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
