I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
3 2 1 whiskey
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
