I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize