i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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