drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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