your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
