I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it because I queefed?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
