matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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