toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just tell him i said nine months
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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