I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
