i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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