Betty ford says i'm here all night
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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