you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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