She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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