i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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