new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize